Thursday, February 19, 2009

You Can Lead a Man to the Promised Land, But It Won't Guarantee He'll Give You an Orgasm!

Yesterday afternoon, the Huffington Post featured a blog post by author Ian Kerner, titled “Viva La Vulva.” The article was about the female orgasm and was written by a man. Most of the comments posted under his musings were by, you guessed it, men. I realize that Mr. Kerner has his books to sell and his status as a sexual health counselor to promote, but am I the only one who sees the irony in this?

Leave it to a man to get it all wrong about what turns a woman on. The main problem with the female orgasm is pretty basic: foreplay, or the lack thereof by the men in their love lives. This has nothing to do with, as Mr. Kerner describes, living in a post-SITC (Sex in the City) world, “orgasm regret” or the elusive hunt for the g-spot. To put it simply lads, you have to update your playbooks.

Many men, I will correctly assume, have no move to the hoop. It's a straight shot down the middle lane to the basket. Boob grab, crotch grab and zing, one single shot under the boards to the Promised Land. The vulva and all the wonderful tingly nerve endings that it hides are pushed aside in a horrendous technical foul. When are guys going to stop playing man-to-man and learn to settle down in the zone?

For that matter, women are not cars, guys. You can't stick your key in and expect the Hemi engine to roar. We're more like a vintage '67 Mustang, you have to let the engine warm-up and idle. You have to listen to what she tells you. You'll get her to purr, you just have to give it a bit of time.

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