Sunday, March 7, 2010

Fat Grrrl, Thin Grrrl

Some one once told me, with a very straight face, that inside every fat girl, there is a thin girl dying to be let out...what a load of crap! Or in my case, abdominal fat. Once again, I've found myself at the heavy end of the gain-lose-gain-lose-gain roller coaster that dominated my twenties and early thirties. But as I inch toward 40, it is time to get off.

These days I find myself trying to mentally peel away the layers of stress, inadequacy, failure, fear, loneliness and unfulfillment that have encircled my thighs, arms, chin, neck and torso in a cage of fat. There is no thin girl underneath it all, just me. Looking deep this time, beyond appearances, beyond feelings, beyond excuses and rationalizations to solve the riddle that is me: fat girl, thin girl, girl caught in the middle.... Yet, all three are one and the same.

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