Thursday, December 10, 2009

Neil Diamond + Chanukah Song = GROOVY

So over Thankgiving, as we were driving up to my in-laws, the song "Forever in Blue Jeans" by Neil Diamond comes up on our iPod.  I've always liked that song, and I start humming along.  About 1 minute into it, my husband proceeds to tell me, "you know, this song is all about Neil Diamond wanting to have hot animal sex with his woman....listen to the lyrics".  I was totally appalled.....that literal bastard had done this to me before with "Shipping Up to Boston" being about a pirate's lost wooden leg, and with George Michael's "Freedom 90" about him struggling to come out of the closet. Sure enough, he managed to do it again....I can never listen to that song without thinking about leopard print rug, a young Neil Diamond (whose modern equivalent, btw, is the one and only John Mayer) and some coked up '70s skank getting it on in a California chalet.

So on the heels of that....I found out today that old Neil just posted a cover of Adam Sandler's "The Chanukah Song" on his website, with a South Park like animated video.  Given that Friday is the first day of Chanukah, I thought I would pass it along to you as my gift.  I don't believe there is any hidden meaning to the lyrics of this one, but I am sure my asshole husband will figure out a way to ruin it for me somehow.  In the mean time, enjoy!

UPDATE:  There is now a YouTube version for those of you on your phones!  Click here!

WTF! It's The Most Gaaawwd Awful Gift Guide

For the Wife whose husband has "DONE" everything & everyone:

Okay, okay, that was a fake book.  I was being silly and milking the Tiger Woods story as much as everyone else is.  But the following are actual products I found at Ocean State Job Lot in RI that you can buy a loved one this Christmas....

The perfect bedtime read-aloud series for the Parent who wants to "Scare the Shit Out of Your Kids":

Book 1:  "Don't ask why Mommy is frantically flushing the toilet"

Books 2 & 3:  "Oh, Look!  It's A Kitty...Sweet Dreams!" & "No honey, I don't think the book will be staring at you while you sleep "

Book 4: An instant classic, as is the sequel "Rivers of Blood"

For that annoying Religious Zealot in your life (or elderly family member):

"BYO H2O" Bring Your Own Holy Water Bottle (be sure to pour some out for your homeys) & "Show Jesus the Money" Coin Purse...'cause he'll holla' for a dolla'!

For the person who just needs one reason to protest:

Move over (RED), 'cuz you're about to be overtaken by elves (and not the Keebler kind or the ones you can toss)!