Tuesday, April 14, 2009

What’s So Scary About CT? Bitch Pleeze!

After the feedback I have gotten from my recent slacker mom post, I was happy to see that Angie Tempura, the Bitch Pleeze blogger from SNL’s Weekend Update, was at it again this past Saturday. With her laptop at the ready and venti frappacino cup in hand, I think my girl got it all wrong though, when dissing the movie “A Haunting in Connecticut.” Ms. Tempura riffed on the Nutmeg State by saying “What’s sooo scary about Connecticut?....Losing your tennis balls in Pottery Barn….” Bitch pleeze! That’s just the half of it!

As a Connecticut resident, I can tell you first hand that there is plenty to be scared about in Connecticut, after all, there is a reason why the movie “Stepford Wives” was filmed here (not once, but twice!).

Top Ten Scariest Things About Connecticut:

10. The inordinate amount of “Life is Good” apparel per child per household.

9. Suffering economy is making people do crazy things, like mow their own lawn, do their own taxes, and inject their own Botox for the first time.

8. Turned up collars, madras and monograms have been constant fashion staples since ’82….anyone wearing black is clearly either goth or just visiting from NYC.

7. If little Dylan doesn’t have a “Life Coach” by age six, kiss the “Ivies” goodbye.

6. If you come back tan from spring break in the Caribbean, expect to be profiled.

5. Upon crossing the state line, there are signs saying "No Jacket, Socks with Loafers -- No Service."

4. How many kids named Jackson, Madison and Dakota can be in one first grade class?

3. SUVs + Over Caffinated Soccer Moms + iPhones = TROUBLE

2. Two words….Regis Philbin.

1. Wacko, Human Eating Chimps!

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