WTF! It's The Most Gaaawwd Awful Gift Guide

For the Wife whose husband has "DONE" everything & everyone:

Okay, okay, that was a fake book.  I was being silly and milking the Tiger Woods story as much as everyone else is.  But the following are actual products I found at Ocean State Job Lot in RI that you can buy a loved one this Christmas....

The perfect bedtime read-aloud series for the Parent who wants to "Scare the Shit Out of Your Kids":

Book 1:  "Don't ask why Mommy is frantically flushing the toilet"

Books 2 & 3:  "Oh, Look!  It's A Kitty...Sweet Dreams!" & "No honey, I don't think the book will be staring at you while you sleep "

Book 4: An instant classic, as is the sequel "Rivers of Blood"

For that annoying Religious Zealot in your life (or elderly family member):

"BYO H2O" Bring Your Own Holy Water Bottle (be sure to pour some out for your homeys) & "Show Jesus the Money" Coin Purse...'cause he'll holla' for a dolla'!

For the person who just needs one reason to protest:

Move over (RED), 'cuz you're about to be overtaken by elves (and not the Keebler kind or the ones you can toss)!