Everyday, we make choices. Some are agonized over, some are as simple as what should i have for breakfast or do i want butter or cream cheese on my bagel....and with all of the seemingly irrelevant decisions, how often do we really think about their universal impact on who we, as a person, ultimately are.
Yet, today, I have to make a decision that will have profound impact on every part of my life....on every part of my soul.
I am faced with 2 roads to walk down. One decision will bring my entire family along with me. It will not be easy, there will be bumps and hills and challenges for everyone at different points along the way. Each will be effected both positively and negatively at various times in there life because of this choice. Because of my choice. But, we will all be in it together.
The second choice will only truly and adversely effect me. It will be my cross to bear and it will be a dark and infinitely windy road. The decision will be made and locked away in some far away corner of my mind. It will be my memory and mine alone. Life will go on for those around me because they never knew...and I will never tell. I know for everyone this might be the right choice. Why disrupt life for so many on the whim of just one. Is that really fair?
And through all of this, my heart and my head rally for two different choices. What I want, everyone says is impossible or ridiculous or selfish. What I want should not be an option for consideration.
I look at my family and my heart aches. In the end, they will not know what I faced and how I agonized and cried...I will change and they will not and it is so. It is not fair, either way. It just is. It is life. And life is full of adversity.
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To My Sons,
1 week ago